Often I have heard some of my friends saying the issue with India are related Patriarchal policies.
Yes, but why is India still practicing this Patriarchy? What is this dowry that most people are against, including me? Have we ever thought how it still exists in this country after all these laws? I am sure one among you have seen or heard of how people negotiate to get higher dowry and drop from marriages which doesn't fill their purse? Is it because there are no laws in India?
Dowry is mentioned as a natural gift in Dictionary.com which makes it interesting to start with. Dowry, I would imagine might have started with a good cause few millenniums back. It could also be seen from an angle where the men of India wanted their daughters or women folk to be settled first before their sons start settling in life. Often we see that Indian brides are offered huge sets of Gold, money, land etc during their marriage as a natural gift or by force at times without public knowledge. For few it becomes part of prestige to give lots of gold and certain unnatural natural gifts during marriage. This shows that women with this power of gold and wealth with them during marriage is empowered to live a free life without fearing her in-laws and with pride. It is worth mentioning that this same wealth is her fortune to lead a life in case of loss of her husband in order to lead a good life taking care of their kids. Since life expectancy might have been lower in those days this would have been a boon for the women if at all it was in her control. Later at some point of time maybe men or their family started demanding sums to show off their status. This might have led the natural gift to be gifted to the grooms family rather than the bride itself which became the modern day dowry.
Since we are patriarchal, the men had to wait until their turn comes to lead the family which might often be in a later stage in life. Whole life they would have worked to support their parents and sisters which might have kept their wallets empty and unwilling to open up for their own expenses or luxury. This condition would surely leave an incoming bride to have a difficult life with the men they chose in case they don't bring any wealth with them. These men would only receive their share of inheritance only after the demise of their parents. They will take care of family and parents in most cases until their death and naturally inherit the wealth left by their parents. This might have gone on and on for few centuries when the modern days finally started.
Current day women are equally qualified and smart as men and can earn as any man could. Very few modern families in near future would require support from their kids considering the growth in working women. All this demands a different policy to be framed for dowry and marriages in India. People are able to demand because if they don't get at one place they would get from elsewhere. This practice will never end or deteriorate from its course until laws are enforced which looks like a distant dream. Current nuclear families would require lesser support to get settled and start a living than olden days.
Now let me ask a question to all my women readers, have you ever thought yourself to tell your parents "If you plan to buy so much gold or naturally gift me such a fortune during wedding, I won't get married itself!" Frankly how many of you have thought like this? Most people I know think it is parents responsibility to marry them off with everything they could which also resembles a pseudo family status.
Likewise, how many of my male folks including me ever said, "If you wear gold more than that is required with bare minimum, you would move out of the wedding!". Both these questions might have made you feel wasteful, but do you really think it is impossible to control your own wedding? If yes, how can you change a nation? How can you expect others not to take dowry while you enjoy the fruits?
Most parents should go ahead and gift their dear ones only what they could afford and never something on demand. We might get into situations where we might be forced to give, these are the instances that must be brought to court. But is it really feasible to lodge a police complaint during such trauma filled days? I don't think so. Government should enable internet based complaint filing for these events so that anyone can on behalf of parents or any first hand witness can come forward and bring it to light. Parents also needs to understand marriages are not the event to showcase their wealth but to project the love they share with all dear and near invitees. You can always share your wealth with whomever you choose but refrain from using such auspicious days for such activities. Love should be the driver of marriages and not wealth. This can only happen when all parties decides to take strict steps to implement it.
Everyone of us might have wrote at least 5-10 essays during our school days against dowry which only explains that dowry is not good and should be stopped but have we ever thought it is we ourselves who are the brand ambassadors of such a culture? Not that we are all grown up, what all we did to stop dowry?
At times it looks like modern women favor dowry and they enjoy the coup. I would pity all those families and men who demand dowry but I would at the same time pull the brides family as the culprit who are supporting dowry. The first and final most person who can put an end to this is the Women of India. The power of women are yet to seen as a nation against dowry. Preaching doesn't help in this subject, it would require bold steps to be taken by women themselves in choosing and agreeing for marriage. Until you agree to give, others can just keep asking. Never present yourselves to any of those people begging for riches but only to one who would love you forever irrespective of your wealth!
Think yourself, you can make a change!
Yes, but why is India still practicing this Patriarchy? What is this dowry that most people are against, including me? Have we ever thought how it still exists in this country after all these laws? I am sure one among you have seen or heard of how people negotiate to get higher dowry and drop from marriages which doesn't fill their purse? Is it because there are no laws in India?
Dowry is mentioned as a natural gift in Dictionary.com which makes it interesting to start with. Dowry, I would imagine might have started with a good cause few millenniums back. It could also be seen from an angle where the men of India wanted their daughters or women folk to be settled first before their sons start settling in life. Often we see that Indian brides are offered huge sets of Gold, money, land etc during their marriage as a natural gift or by force at times without public knowledge. For few it becomes part of prestige to give lots of gold and certain unnatural natural gifts during marriage. This shows that women with this power of gold and wealth with them during marriage is empowered to live a free life without fearing her in-laws and with pride. It is worth mentioning that this same wealth is her fortune to lead a life in case of loss of her husband in order to lead a good life taking care of their kids. Since life expectancy might have been lower in those days this would have been a boon for the women if at all it was in her control. Later at some point of time maybe men or their family started demanding sums to show off their status. This might have led the natural gift to be gifted to the grooms family rather than the bride itself which became the modern day dowry.
Since we are patriarchal, the men had to wait until their turn comes to lead the family which might often be in a later stage in life. Whole life they would have worked to support their parents and sisters which might have kept their wallets empty and unwilling to open up for their own expenses or luxury. This condition would surely leave an incoming bride to have a difficult life with the men they chose in case they don't bring any wealth with them. These men would only receive their share of inheritance only after the demise of their parents. They will take care of family and parents in most cases until their death and naturally inherit the wealth left by their parents. This might have gone on and on for few centuries when the modern days finally started.
Current day women are equally qualified and smart as men and can earn as any man could. Very few modern families in near future would require support from their kids considering the growth in working women. All this demands a different policy to be framed for dowry and marriages in India. People are able to demand because if they don't get at one place they would get from elsewhere. This practice will never end or deteriorate from its course until laws are enforced which looks like a distant dream. Current nuclear families would require lesser support to get settled and start a living than olden days.
Now let me ask a question to all my women readers, have you ever thought yourself to tell your parents "If you plan to buy so much gold or naturally gift me such a fortune during wedding, I won't get married itself!" Frankly how many of you have thought like this? Most people I know think it is parents responsibility to marry them off with everything they could which also resembles a pseudo family status.
Likewise, how many of my male folks including me ever said, "If you wear gold more than that is required with bare minimum, you would move out of the wedding!". Both these questions might have made you feel wasteful, but do you really think it is impossible to control your own wedding? If yes, how can you change a nation? How can you expect others not to take dowry while you enjoy the fruits?
Most parents should go ahead and gift their dear ones only what they could afford and never something on demand. We might get into situations where we might be forced to give, these are the instances that must be brought to court. But is it really feasible to lodge a police complaint during such trauma filled days? I don't think so. Government should enable internet based complaint filing for these events so that anyone can on behalf of parents or any first hand witness can come forward and bring it to light. Parents also needs to understand marriages are not the event to showcase their wealth but to project the love they share with all dear and near invitees. You can always share your wealth with whomever you choose but refrain from using such auspicious days for such activities. Love should be the driver of marriages and not wealth. This can only happen when all parties decides to take strict steps to implement it.
Everyone of us might have wrote at least 5-10 essays during our school days against dowry which only explains that dowry is not good and should be stopped but have we ever thought it is we ourselves who are the brand ambassadors of such a culture? Not that we are all grown up, what all we did to stop dowry?
At times it looks like modern women favor dowry and they enjoy the coup. I would pity all those families and men who demand dowry but I would at the same time pull the brides family as the culprit who are supporting dowry. The first and final most person who can put an end to this is the Women of India. The power of women are yet to seen as a nation against dowry. Preaching doesn't help in this subject, it would require bold steps to be taken by women themselves in choosing and agreeing for marriage. Until you agree to give, others can just keep asking. Never present yourselves to any of those people begging for riches but only to one who would love you forever irrespective of your wealth!
Think yourself, you can make a change!
Useful and notable points, thanks Bro
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